Jinko´s Story

Written by Jinko Jar

“Give up Jinko, we got you locked with no chance of escape. Surrender peacefully and you have my word that the Gallente federation will go easy on you.” The familiar nasally voice said over my intercom.   I had somehow managed to run my newly “acquired” cruiser smack into a Gallentean battleship on my very first jump. “Oy there LeMans, nice to see that you are getting out and about,” I had no doubt as to who it was commanding the battle ship. It was just my luck that I would run into him. He sounded a bit different, more nasal, but the same arrogant self-righteousness was there.  Tell me, were the doctors able to reattach that lovely aristocratic nose of yours, or were they forced to grow you a new one? ”  I added before I could stop myself, then cringed and waited for the battleship’s drones to shred my ship apart. Instead I was greeted with a horrendous strangled titter that I took for a laugh. “Oh, I almost forgot about that whole episode,” Leman said after his weird bout of laughter. “The surgeons my family hired did a perfect restoration job.” He added, making me wonder if everyone around him just got used to the way that he now sounded.  Maybe he had forgotten about the whole affair, and was sincere in his offer. No, forget that. To hell if I was just going to give up “peacefully”. The Gallentean federation’s definition of “going easy” on a pirate, meant a slightly quicker death in private instead of a slow, still painful one in front of your friends and family members, where they would even bill the family for the ammunition spent on executing you. “Oh, well sorry to bring up old news, I found it prudent thou..” My crappy new Exequror cruiser was rocked as the monolithic Megathron´s Ion-cannon ripped across my little ship’s bow, tasking out both shields and armor, damaging my hull  but still leaving me clinging to life. Commander LeMans, was apparently still perhaps a little upset about the incident that got me chased out of the academy and into the life of pirating in the first place. Bastard was toying with me. His actions were also a prime example of wasteful government spending. “Quit trying to stall, Jinko,” the voice over the intercom squawked, “and be happy I do not just pulverize you and your little ship on the spot.” Little ship?  What an asshole. Just because I did not have the backing of a federation to fly around in a navy issue battleship with all the fixings along with special federation grade ammo to waste, it did not give this shitard the right to insult my ship. Even if I did happen to slice his nose off with my inherited samurai sword in a drunken bar fight a few years back. “Ok, ok, just give me few minutes to get everything in order, then I will pod out and let you take me in without a fight,” I relented as I furiously searched over the systems charts, hoping to find some sort of escape. Take me in, right. Most likely, he will just toy with me some more before finally vaporizing me. “Ok, Jinko, since we are old friends, I will give you five minutes to get your affairs in order, after that I will give orders to open fire,” LeMans graciously snarled over the intercom. “Thanks a lot Commander,” I said, trying to sound as sincere as possible, holding back the multitude of snarky remarks that would assure me a quick trip back to the cloning facility via the cruel efficiency of 6 ion cannons. Yo, ho, ho - a pirates life for me. Sure, my life could have gone in another much safer direction, if only I had planned more carefully and kept my temper in check. If I had played my cards right I could have possibly been in the same position that LeMans was in right now. Ok, maybe not a commander of a navy class Megathron, but I could have at least earned my wings and become a first class fighter pilot for the Gallentean Navy. If only I had not lost my head over some chick and permanently changed a ranking officer’s profile with my family heirloom. Hell, if my family had it their way, I would have never even been in a position to get into a fight with a guy like Batteire LeMans III. Instead, I would be living the life of a businessman-farmer, growing customized fruit for the privileged.  Unfortunately, growing heartshaped watermelons and pyramid shaped pears was just not my cup of tea. (I was more into breast shaped melons and dick shaped pears – however my family didn’t quite see neither the fun nor the business potential in such ideas.) The adventure seeking blood of my warrior ancestry flowed through me and I had the yern for action and excitement that no holoscape or industrial tractor could ever give me. My family had not always been farmers. Our ancestry could be traced back to feudal Japan on Earth itself, where my great ,great, great,… hell great so many times that I lost count, great grandfather was a famous Samurai who led his men into to impossible battle facing many odds and died a brave death. The story differs from whom you ask, but I am pretty sure he died trying to take down an Oni Ogre himself - alone with his samurai sword. The Oni may have won, but my super great grandfather’s spirit lived on in his sword which miraculously survived to be past down from eldest son to eldest son until it landed in my lap.  Anyway, I let the myth of my warrior ancestor go to my head a bit when my old man gave the sword to me on my thirteenth birthday and found myself making an early verbal commitment to join the academy. Puberty then kicked into full gear - I discovered what girls were, and I completely forgot about the early commitment papers that I had signed. That is - until the recruiting office showed up to my graduation. I could probably have gotten out of it, but the recruitment officer assured me that my dreams of being a big shot pilot would be fulfilled, and the girls were going to dig a man in uniform. So like an idiot I joined the corp. Noob mistake – I was in for a rude awakening… “Your pirating career expires in three minutes, Jinks.” Lemans reminded me, stirring me out of reflection, reminding me that I better not just sit here and mope. I needed to find way out of this predicament. “ And the way your pirating career goes, maybe you should change your name to JINXED, for the remaining time you have!”  LeMans was adding insult to injury. “Thanks for the countdown commander. Hey LeMans, us being old friends and all, I s’pose there isn’t any kind of way we can come to a settlement?”  I already knew the answer to this. A rookie pirate with a crappy little ship had nothing that a guy like LeMans would ever want or need. I had a meager amount saved up, having spent most of my stash fitting the ship I stole with a bit firepower that might possibly scare inexperienced miner into giving me his payload.  But hey, maybe it was worth a shot. “Well,” LeMan’s started, momentarily raising my spirits,  “Perhaps, if you happened to have any useful information. Then maybe I can do something for you.”  My hopes dropped. In order to let me live, Leman’s wanted me to rat out my fellow pirates. Not that I wouldn’t rat, thing was, I really did not have any infamous pirate friends on which I could inform on. Everyone I knew was a rookie like me just doing their best to gain a little toehold in the pirating industry, or simply trying to survive at all. I was yet to affiliate myself with any of the pirate factions and really did not know squat about them. “Ummm, What kind of information?” I asked cheerfully. Still, I did happen to be a pretty good bullshit artist, so perhaps I could tattle out a little tale that Commander Leman’s might believe. A story so juicy, that LeMans would be willing to forget about little ol’ me, that Asian dude who chopped off his nose in a bar fight. It would have to be one juicy tale. Although I do sort of regret doing what I did, I still think that the rich obnoxious fucker deserved what I gave him. Just because he was a ranking officer, and hailed from a rich snobby family, did not give him the right to call “dibs” on a girl I had been talking to all night. She was hot and had a thing for Asians, and this bigheaded snob comes in and tries to horn in on my action. Push came to shove. He threw a wild punch and in a fatal reaction I drew my sword. I think I had only meant to scare him a little, maybe make him piss his pants, but I had been hitting the nebula-scotch pretty heavy that night and that shit always makes me a little crazy. I used to joke with my friends that “ When the Nebula goes in, IQ goes out, and leave more room for Nebula”. His mistake on the other hand, was to assume that such an antiqued weapon could be so sharp. So situation was - he lunged at me, I reacted, his nose ended up on the floor of the nightclub, and my life as a vagabond began. Normally, an incident like this it would have meant several years in the Brig and a dishonorable discharge. Nothing to commit seppuku over. But, Leman’s family was extremely influential. Knowing him as I did, im sure he would have had his mother prostitute herself with the navy commander, just to blackmail his own commander-in-chief into locking me up for life. Thankfully, I had already fled for low sec before any charges could be brought against me.  ( I did wonder however, if LeMans mother walked funny for a few days ….) “What do you know of any Caldari activity in this area?” LeMans asked, “You have 15 seconds to tell me something.” “Oh just tons of stuff,” I lied, “just ran into a bunch Caldari expats at a bar back on Regina 6. I bought them drinks they told me all kinds of shit. Stuff, I am sure that a guy like you could use.” Hopefully, Leman’s knew shit from shinola about the Regina system. “Regina 6 huh? Isn’t that place famous for its transfigured male prostitutes?”  He asked. Letting me know that he already knew that I was a bullshit artist. “Sounds like you know the place well Lemans.”  You Can’t out bull shit a bullshitter. I engaged my lone smart bomb and then grasped my trusty sword. I was ready to go all Banzai on the motherfucker. I rather be cloned again then face the firing squad, and perhaps my little bomb might be able to do some damage to the monolith if I got close enough. Its not like I had any valuable implants yet anyway. Just then, a giant bleep blipped on the radar screen. Another ship had entered the system. It  was a Caldari Rokh. Finally,  something to take LeMan’s mind off of little ol’ harmless me. “What the fuck is a Gaul doing in Gallente federation space?” A pissed sounding voice asked over the intercom. Old Lemans had barely time to respond before the Rokh opened fire and the two began to batter the living crap out of each other. Lemans had forgotten about me, but my ship was done for. I wasted no time in jumping in my pod getting the fuck out of there. Before I made the jumped, I watched as the two battle ships traded volleys and saw that old Leman’s was holding his own against the better-equipped Caldari ship. He might even live to hunt me down another day.  I watched as the Self destruction sequence terminated, and turned my ship into a mini nova, sending shrapnel flying into the Megathron’s shields. Oops, sorry about that Lemmy – didn’t mean to nick the paintjob! I made the jump, determined to steal something better the next time around and perhaps go deeper into low sec further away from the outskirts of the Gallentean Federation. Maybe I will get lucky and make a few bucks, or make a few friends and join a corporation. Or, maybe I will pick on the wrong miner and find myself, once again, up shit creek.  Oy, ho, ho -  a pirates life for me. Â